Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My vagina just clenched in fear
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