I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
