But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
