toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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