I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Non-Jews are for practice
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
