I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
