How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just want to make out with him forever
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
