Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
