Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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