Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
