Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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