Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
