The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
