Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
