Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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