Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
