Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
