She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
