Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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