I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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