As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize