i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
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I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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