God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
