i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
