I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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