I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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