im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
