Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
