we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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