She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
