I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize