i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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