I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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