happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
