If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The beer is more important than you right now.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
