My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
