I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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