I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
