she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
