i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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