dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
