Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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