I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
