Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
