sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
