Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
