You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She said her name was "party"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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