i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
