Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
