You know, be my cock's hype man.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
