$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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