Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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