dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
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I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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