A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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