ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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