I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
