im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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