end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
