Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
