I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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