PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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