Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize