You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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