She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
