there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
