Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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